On Friday, August 22, 2008, I was a month into a span of time where I was in an all out, uncontrollable flat spin. I was dealt a blow that day that trumped all of the other losses I had felt to that point. Were it not for God's intervention, I would have done something incredibly stupid. I wanted to die. I wanted to escape what felt impossible to survive. I had no hope.
The despair and trauma that surrounded that day was unbearable. Yet as I look back on it today, the memories have lost their sting. It is forever a part of my story, but it is no longer a source of pain. My pastor told me early on in my journey that that is a strong indicator of true healing realized. It is something that only God can do - and I stand amazed that He has.
I am seeing restoration in places I never dreamed. I am experiencing God's favor and provision like I could never have imagined. I stand today in a place of strength, wholeness and centeredness that I would not trade for anything.... and I am thankful.
On Saturday, August 22, 2009, one year to the day after the blackest night of my journey, I stood on a stage leading worship before a crowd of people on a perfect evening in Canton, GA, at "The Reveal", the official launch of The Worship Studio, (http://www.theworshipstudio.org/), a ministry that represents the hope and future that God promised me in Jeremiah 29:11.
Yesterday, August 23rd, I led worship for an event which presented the healing ministry to those newer to my church. I am eternally grateful for the healing ministry at RiverStone, for it has been paramount in my own personal healing journey.
There is so much about these events this weekend that will have to remain unsaid. They represent something holy, something beyond words. They are things that, like Mary the mother of Jesus, will have to be pondered in my heart.
I was asked recently if I was happy. How do I answer that in a way that would make sense? I lost everything... EVERYTHING. Yet, in choosing to cooperate with what God wanted to do through the stripping, the pruning, the refining, I have gained so much more than I could have ever dreamed.
The photos below were taken at "The Reveal". I'll let them speak for themselves. Only God can redeem a day in such a way. 08.22.08 very well could have been the date engraved in marble on my headstone. Now, because of the grace and mercy of God, because of His relentless pursuit of my heart of hearts, because He loved me too much to leave me in my broken state, 08.22 is a day that will be forever engraved in my story as the day I stood reconnected with my destiny.
(Photos by Tim Harman, http://www.timharman.com/)
PS: On the day I posted this entry, the "Reminders From God" widget on the left side of this page read: "Know this. From the moment you placed all in My Hands and sought no other aid, I have taken the quickest way possible to work out your salvation." The irony of this is not lost on me - for this is indeed exactly what God did.
PS: On the day I posted this entry, the "Reminders From God" widget on the left side of this page read: "Know this. From the moment you placed all in My Hands and sought no other aid, I have taken the quickest way possible to work out your salvation." The irony of this is not lost on me - for this is indeed exactly what God did.
1 comment:
Warms my heart!
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