My life remains in this desert season of refining and sifting, but I do feel like I am making great strides toward that table that is waiting for me once I get on the other side.
I continue to have opportunities to lead worship, and find it a bit ironic that I seem to be playing more now than I did before everything in my life, as I knew it vanished. God is restoring me… just like He said He would. This has been, and continues to be my journey with Him, and Him alone. Although He has surrounded me with some amazing people, placed me in an amazing church, and brought routine back into my life, it is still a very personal journey with Him.
My mantra from very early on has been that although I would not wish my circumstances on anyone, I would not trade what God is doing through them for anything. This is how I keep walking. I hate the path I’m on, but I love where it is leading me, so I continue to press in, on and through.
A few weeks ago, I ran into some things that triggered yet another round of grief. Some think that grief is like a valley you walk through, and then it’s done and you move on. This isn’t a good description as grief is more realistically likened to waves. Immediately after the loss, the waves are huge, and they are frequent – they knock your breath away. Over time, they will lesson in intensity and frequency, but they will still come, some bigger than others, some briefly felt… until eventually, the waves are small and manageable reminders of the loss, the loss that will always be felt to some degree, but won’t always knock you off balance.
For me, life has begun to regain some rhythm, but every now and then, the waves hit me yet again. I had five different losses that all bubbled to the surface at the same time, and I had to ride those waves yet again. They got me out of sync for a few days so I ended up processing through them in a lengthy email to my pastor. His reply was brief, but powerful.
He said that there aren’t many stages to appear on in the desert, but that in this desert place, there is a burning bush of God’s presence. He encouraged me to find it, take off my shoes and worship; to allow every false comfort and idol to fall; to summon all of my gifts, talents and abilities and worship Him in the secret place. He told me that if I do this, angels would join me.
He encouraged me by reminding me that Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Spirit, and then He was led forth from the wilderness in the Power of the Spirit. The same God who has taken me in, knows how to lead me out. He continued by saying that when I do come out on the other side of this, it’s going to be a powerful thing. Although I feel like I still have so far to go, he pointed out that I am actually much closer than I know.
What powerful words! They helped put my feet back on solid ground. I was so struck by the imagery of his note that I started writing a new song. I’ll post the lyrics soon. Stay tuned…
I continue to have opportunities to lead worship, and find it a bit ironic that I seem to be playing more now than I did before everything in my life, as I knew it vanished. God is restoring me… just like He said He would. This has been, and continues to be my journey with Him, and Him alone. Although He has surrounded me with some amazing people, placed me in an amazing church, and brought routine back into my life, it is still a very personal journey with Him.
My mantra from very early on has been that although I would not wish my circumstances on anyone, I would not trade what God is doing through them for anything. This is how I keep walking. I hate the path I’m on, but I love where it is leading me, so I continue to press in, on and through.
A few weeks ago, I ran into some things that triggered yet another round of grief. Some think that grief is like a valley you walk through, and then it’s done and you move on. This isn’t a good description as grief is more realistically likened to waves. Immediately after the loss, the waves are huge, and they are frequent – they knock your breath away. Over time, they will lesson in intensity and frequency, but they will still come, some bigger than others, some briefly felt… until eventually, the waves are small and manageable reminders of the loss, the loss that will always be felt to some degree, but won’t always knock you off balance.
For me, life has begun to regain some rhythm, but every now and then, the waves hit me yet again. I had five different losses that all bubbled to the surface at the same time, and I had to ride those waves yet again. They got me out of sync for a few days so I ended up processing through them in a lengthy email to my pastor. His reply was brief, but powerful.
He said that there aren’t many stages to appear on in the desert, but that in this desert place, there is a burning bush of God’s presence. He encouraged me to find it, take off my shoes and worship; to allow every false comfort and idol to fall; to summon all of my gifts, talents and abilities and worship Him in the secret place. He told me that if I do this, angels would join me.
He encouraged me by reminding me that Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Spirit, and then He was led forth from the wilderness in the Power of the Spirit. The same God who has taken me in, knows how to lead me out. He continued by saying that when I do come out on the other side of this, it’s going to be a powerful thing. Although I feel like I still have so far to go, he pointed out that I am actually much closer than I know.
What powerful words! They helped put my feet back on solid ground. I was so struck by the imagery of his note that I started writing a new song. I’ll post the lyrics soon. Stay tuned…
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