Deaths

John 12:24-25 (The Message)
"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal.


The NIV translates it this way: "Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies..." Death. So final. So painful. But so necessary in order for new life to spring forth. Unless the seed dies, it stays only one seed, but when it dies, then a harvest can come.

I have seen many, many things die over the past year. Death of a job I loved; Death of many relationships that I cherished; Death of being in ministry; Death of hopes, dreams and desires. But along with those things, I have also seen the death of some things that needed to die. I have seen the death of pretense, the death of a projected self image, the death of hiddenness, the death of personal segregation, the death of selfishness, the death of bowing my knee to the created rather than the Creator. Perhaps the death of these things that needed to die would not have been possible without the death of all those other 'things' that I held so tightly to.

My brother passed away in 1992. He had an incurable disease. We knew he was going to die. We watched him deteriorate. We had opportunities to say our goodbyes. But on that Sunday afternoon when he breathed his last breath, it was a shock. All deaths are sudden even when you know they are coming.

I have been anticipating a specific death for 10 months. I knew it was coming and I did everything in my power to prevent it, but it has continued to deteriorate. Now, it is breathing its final breaths and barring God's miraculous intervention, it will die... and even tho it was anticipated, it is still sudden, and I am still in shock.

There is nothing I can do to stop it, yet I feel totally responsible for it. But this death too can produce new life, although I have no idea what it will look like. Many seeds in my life have fallen to the ground and died. I have joined in the fellowship of His sufferings. I am ready to join in His resurrection power. Bring it on!